How To Resolve Conflict Like A Pro

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON FORBES MAY 27, 2013 | READ THE ORIGINAL POST

Conflict is inevitable whether you are running your own business or working for someone else. However, how you handle the conflict could be the difference between running a successful organization or getting run down by bad blood. I recently had the opportunity to ask an expert a few questions and wanted to share the feedback so you can apply it to your own situations.

Sondra R. Levine is a licensed attorney and a member of the bar in the states of California, Minnesota, and the District of Columbia. Sondra has experience litigating both single plaintiff and class-action lawsuits, and has handled a wide variety of disputes involving claims of product liability, breach of contract, unfair or unlawful business practices, professional negligence, and labor and employment claims. Sondra has been recognized and honored by her peers for her contributions and achievements.

Sondra received her Bachelor of Arts and Juris Doctor Degree from the University of San Diego. Sondra has also completed extensive training focusing on mediation and negotiation, including specific training on: conflict theory, negotiation, dynamics of the mediation process, the role of culture and gender in mediation and negotiations, managing party interaction, law and ethics of mediation, impasse strategies, philosophies of mediation, mediator styles, and the role of the mediator. Sondra has experience mediating disputes arising from landlord/tenant claims, merchant/consumer disputes, business disputes and dissolution, marital dissolution, breach of contract claims, personal injury matters, professional negligence, and employment claims.

Sondra is a frequent author and presenter on various legal issues. She has published articles in the Journal of Contemporary Legal Issues and the San Diego Daily Transcript, and has presented seminars on conflict resolution in the workplace at events such as the San Diego Society of Human Resource Management Law Day Conference. Sondra also conducts training for community organizations, businesses, and human resource professionals in conflict resolution and mediation skills, and conducts AB 1825 sexual harassment and discrimination training.

JG: What is the best way to deal with an employee or contractor who is not performing their duties up to par?

SL: Although the advice varies depending on who is having the conversation (i.e. a business owner with a contractor, a human resource manager with an employee, etc..) there are some principles that remain constant. The most successful methods for resolving conflict are: discussion and open communication. Avoidance will not resolve the conflict; at best, it will only delay conflict. An unresolved conflict festers underneath the surface and will bubble right back to the surface whenever enabled, and will also reappear always at the worst possible moment. For these reasons it’s best to address problems quickly and directly.

When dealing with an employee situation or a vendor/contractor relationship presumably the relationship is going to continue, therefore it’s extremely important for the employee and/or contractor to walk away from the conversation feeling like they were treated fairly and believing that they were heard, regardless of the outcome or the resolution reached. For this reason, I usually state the problem or scenario from which the conversation arises, and then take a learning approach to start these conversations by which I can explore the employee/contractor’s standpoint or perception of the situation. After listening without interruption (regardless of whether I agree with their perception of events), I usually paraphrase or summarize what I’ve heard to make sure that (1) I have an accurate understanding of where they are coming from and (2) they know that I’ve heard them. This then allows me to share my perspective of the problem without interruption and sets an informal set of rules for the structure of the conversation (civility, respect, etc…). This open discussion also reduces misinformation and misunderstandings. If it is appropriate, I might then ask the employee/contractor if they have any thoughts for how the situation might be resolved (i.e. is this something that could be addressed with some additional training, would a sit down with other parties involved be appropriate, etc…) being careful not to criticize any solution offered but use the situation as a brainstorming session to explore the range of solutions.

During this part of the conversation, I may ask questions to test the feasibility of the solutions proposed. It’s important to stick to facts and keep the discussion moving forward toward a resolution as opposed to rehashing old information on how the problem arose. Ideally, after some discussion you and the employee/contractor can agree on a course of action to resolve the problem and prevent future issues. It’s usually best to memorialize the solution in writing, although it does not need to be elaborate. Sometimes it may be appropriate to set a timeline for follow up to look at how things are going and if any modifications and/or changes to your plan need to be made.

JG: What is the best way to let a customer know that you’d like to part ways?

SL: In this situation is it important to prepare in advance and know exactly what it is you want to say. Begin the conversation with the end in mind-know where you are going and how you plan to get there so that you do not get sidetracked. Doing so will ensure that you don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the emotions of the conversation or talked into trying to “work it out”. You may also want to have an outline or some notes to keep you on track. One of the keys to managing difficult conversations is control. You need to control the meeting and how it progresses.

It is also important to stay neutral and remain calm no matter what the customer says. Avoid engaging in an emotionally heated discussion over whose fault the problem is. Since the goal is to end the relationship, there is no point in hashing out “the why” or discussing whose fault it is-you don’t intend to remedy the situation or continue the relationship so it really doesn’t matter. Stick to the facts. Be brief and be clear. State clearly to the customer the fact that you are severing the relationship, and if there are steps that need to be taken to “unwind” the relationship or finish up a project, lay out the next steps and the timeline for each. A best practice is: at the conclusion of your conversation, send a follow up correspondence (letter, email etc…) confirming the termination of the relationship, the next steps, and time timeline for concluding the relationship.

JG: How can you avoid a heated debate when you and your business partner do not agree?

SL: Conflict cannot be completely avoided but it can be mitigated. The key is to start early and be consistent in having open communications with your partner. When a problem does arise do not avoid it; instead engage in a discussion of the problem and work to learn the basis of each party’s position so that a solution can be crafted. A thorough discussion of the problem clears the air and helps to avoid misunderstandings so don’t attempt to minimize the problem, after all if the issue wasn’t complicated you wouldn’t be in the situation of having this difficult discussion.

Prepare, prepare, prepare. In advance of the discussion with your partner, analyze what the problem is and what points you want to make. You should also think about what your partner is likely to say and think about some solutions you can propose to reach a resolution. As you discuss the problem with your partner, additional solutions may come to mind and you can explore the viability of each as you discuss each other’s points and positions.

Practice the conversation in your head (or even out loud) in advance. Preparation will give you confidence and keep you from slipping into old habits of ineffective communications. It also helps to keep the goal in mind. In these repeat negotiation scenarios it isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about finding a solution everyone can live with. It is especially important to make the other party believe they got the best deal they could under the circumstances. If you turn it into a winner take all or zero-sum negotiation both sides are likely to become entrenched in their positions and close their minds to the full realm of possible solutions.

Finally, remember these basics (discussed above): be clear and concise in the message you want to convey, use neutral, controlled language, and stay calm keeping the emotions out of the discussion.